Of all the books I’ve read so far this year, Three Women by Lisa Taddeo is the one I continue to think about. It’s funny because when I first started reading it, I didn’t like it and I didn’t see the point of it quite honestly. But by the end, I could not stop ruminating over it.
Three Women is a non-fiction work that explores the sex lives of three women. Lisa Taddeo spent eight years interviewing and following hundreds of women, and then she narrowed it down to the three women who are the subjects of this book. What’s interesting is that she’d originally set out to research the sex lives of men, thinking that men seem to be especially consumed by their sexual desires. But in her research, she realized that men pursue, pursue, pursue! There’s all this build up, but then that all-consuming passion often comes to a sudden end after the act itself occurs. For women, this is often the point where the story begins and the desire takes off.
Lisa Taddeo focuses on three women, each going through their own unique tribulations. One woman is left heartbroken and feeling used after a relationship with her high school teacher ends. Of the three, this story saddens me the most because she was an impressionable, naive high school student who was being pursued by an older, experienced man. Not just any man, but her teacher, the person who is supposed to be a protector and mentor. He woos her, all while sending mixed signals and, of course, her infatuation grows. And suddenly – with a cruel abruptness – he ends it when his wife catches on. I can’t even imagine the intensity of her heartbreak and the feeling of being used. And you see that this experience changes the course of her life.
Another woman is married to a man who likes watching and thinking about her having sex with other men. I was less invested in this story, though it was certainly an interesting dynamic to read about. Of course, when you bring other people into a situation like this, there’s bound to be conflict at some point, which we do see. Still, everyone involved is a consenting adult, so it’s not necessarily wrong. It’s all a bit of a gray area.
And the third woman who is in a sexless, passionless marriage, has an affair with a former classmate in order to fulfill her desires. This story was painful to read about. Because she feels so deprived in her own marriage, she settles for so little with her lover. Her thoughts and plans center on when their next meeting will be. It’s pitiful, but I feel a tremendous amount of empathy for her.
The publisher’s description calls this “a groundbreaking portrait of erotic longing in today’s America, exposing the fragility, complexity, and inequality of female desire.” While I don’t think this book is at all representative of desire for all or even most women, I do think it gives a heartbreaking and honest glimpse into the lives of these three women in particular. And I do think a lot of women will be able to relate to parts of it.
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